what can I do? love always wins

This is like a teen flick.


Honestly, I do not understand why I have to give him a second chance. Then I realized that if I have the purest love for the person, I can accept him even in his worst.


It is painful when you learn from your friends that your boyfriend is still communicating with his ex. If it was just a hi-hello conversation, I could have just let it pass. But it was a long conversation of pouring his feelings out for her, that "he still cares," "she still has the biggest part of his heart," and "he'll stay forever in love with her."


And guess what? My friends read it all in a blog. She posted the entire conversation. She chose the people on her contact who can read the post, and my friend was one of them. I have the feeling that she intended to have my friend read the post so he can relay the mess to me.


When my friend sent me a copy of the post, I was a little hesitant to read it. His girlfriend who is a close friend of mine texted me earlier about a bad news I am going to get. But I read it anyway. My hands were shaking just seeing the names of the two persons. I read the first part, the middle, the end. I guess I read only 40 percent of the conversation. I could no longer go on, it already broke my heart.


I called him up and asked for his explanation. It took him a few seconds before he remembered the chat I was talking about. I asked him, the last time he checked on her and he said it was last week. When I started asking about the content, he broke into a worried-scared-surprised voice. He was murmuring things I could no longer understand because all I can hear is the echo of my cry, and the fast beat of my very very heavy heart.


I decided to put down the phone and communicate with him through email. We chatted in Gmail and I sent him several short emails.


Here are some of it:


just check your email. i cant speak to you yet. let me feel the pain and accept it willingly. im gonna miss u but this is for the best. i want to keep a little respect for u.


him: Nang please don't let me go. Mawala ko please nang


him: mahal please... don't do thisbut nothing is true in all what i said to her nang...


trial ra ni nato


please...


be strong...


i admit its my mistake of doing it.


him: That was my biggest mistake in my life nang. I admit my mistake. Please give me a chance nang...please


Lets save our relationship.


Lets save our relationship."--- u have said this line several times nong. wala gyud kay konsensya. wala sad syay konsensya for telling the world she still has u... im sorry for intruding into ur love story. it was ur love story all along. I played the cameo role.


I was writing my article for a daily newspaper. He was calling me. I ignored him and put my phone away. I was sobbing. And confused.


Then my initial plan was (this is normally what happens) I have to break up with him. An email of "we have to end this" was for me the end of the two sweet years we had (or the two years of love lies).


It was painful. But I described it as a beautiful pain. It came to me that I loved him genuinely. I would have never felt the pain if I didn’t.


Bestfriends, at least two of them, who knew about what happened comforted me through text messages and e-mails but never suggested what I should do in respond to the situation. They wanted me to decide for myself and said that they will always be there whatever my decision is. But they were so expressive in their anger towards him.


I spent the rest of the night talking to the closest friend of mine. She listened very carefully on my views. I told her why I ended the relationship.


1. I pointed out that posting the conversation in her blog is the least of my concern. I don't care what she does in her blog to get attention. She has the right to express whatever it is that she thinks she has to share to the world. It really depends to the extent of her morals, and most importantly, intellect.


2. As the post showed, it was him who started the conversation and he was the one who injected sensitive issues in their chat. The girl actually tried to refrain from answering his questions on love life and other personal stuff.


3. I remembered telling him the things that will hurt me the most. And what he did was on the top of the list. I even told him he can tell me anything but he forgot to tell me about it when I was with him last weekend.


4. Two important ingredients for relationships to work; trust and respect were definitely violated. If we will continue with our relationship, things will change. I see more petty fights, hallow hugging, and sour kissing. It will be a disaster. It will just ruin the both of us.


5. If he had done it to me once, he'll probably do it again. I don't want to come to the point when all that is left in me for him is hatred. I want to at least offer him friendship. After all, he made me happy for a moment.


My friend agreed. But I know she knows, it will be harder for me to lose him than to accept him back. She asked me to talk to him one last time. She begged and said, he has to end his 23rd birthday with me.


If I was hurt, I knew he was hurt as much as I do. So I swallowed my pride and talked to him on the phone. He was sobbing. I could barely understand the words he was saying.


He kept on saying, “Nang please, ayaw ko’g buwagi. Malooy ka. Let’s start all over again. I did not mean it, it was a mistake.”


I was firm in saying I have made my decision and I do not want to get hurt anymore. But he said, “Tell me, how many times have I hurt you? That I do not deserve to have a second chance? I love you nang. You know that.”


I replied, “If you really loved me, and the feeling was genuine, you would have not done what you just did. You are unfair.”


He said, “Unfair? Isn’t it unfair that in times like this, you could just let me go so fast? We promised to standby each other when we are in our worst. I need you nang. I can’t go on without you.”


I told him of how I could not look at him the way I used to. Or talk to him about the future like I used to. “I can’t love you, the way I had.”


He answered back, “If I have to earn your love again, I don’t care. I can accept any emotional torture coming from you. I just need to have you back. I want you back. Ikaw ra gyuy para nako nang.”


He was in a panicky mood. I can imagine him walking to and fro, banging the walls, and lying on the floor.


I cried harder while we both weighed things out. It was two minutes past 12midnight and it was no longer his birthday. I realized, he just won me back.

Secret No More

I realized it's hard to have a secret blog. Nobody can share thoughts with me. My boyfriend only reads my posts but never cares to put his two cents' worth. Anyways, I'm gonna tweet about this. I'll give out the URL and... hello world!

Wearing that Bikini Top

It was my first time to wear a bikini top. And I loved it, I never felt so much freedom.

It was a night in the pool with friends from work after a week of planning, gathering, writing, editing, and doing live for a new show. (What could be more fitting than spending it in a hotel with pool and buffet of Asian-European breakfast?)

Wearing that top brought out a range of feelings. The idea of finally having to wear it made me felt excited, thrilled. When I was actually wearing it, I was quite surprised... I never thought it would look good on me (so I was wondering also, how it would look if I were wearing its pair because I wore it with shorts I borrowed from a friend). And after those two hours of first-time-experience I told myself I'm gonna wear it again (next time, I'm going to wear the whole thing) and buy some more pairs.

It was summer 2009, my cousin and I just spent a couple of days in Dumaguete and Siquijor. When we came to Bohol we found ourselves in a store with overflowing bikinis. It was a chance for me to buy myself something I never had before, so i grabbed a couple of bikinis tried them on, it was that pink and white which looked good with my type of skin color (that was my cousin's comment). But there was no chance for me to wear it since I went back to work the following day, just until this month when we stayed in the hotel.

The thing is, I learned something from just wearing that little piece covering only my breasts. It was more than just showing off some skin, it's about acceptance and enjoying the freedom to be able to wear it. There are countries banning wearing bikinis or anything that shows off too much skin for that matter.

It was about appreciating the freedom of expression (what you wear, how you wear your clothes is self-expression, you know?). We should be grateful of the freedom that lets us be.

Second, it was also one way of confirming or reassuring oneself that yes, I accept me for who I am, no matter what my skin color is, no matter what my body type is. It is one way of imposing to people that hey! I love who I am and I don't care if you don't dare!

Buying a pair of shoes

Two months ago, I wanted to buy myself a new pair of shoes for work, the kind that I can use anywhere anytime. I have seen pairs of shoes which made my heart skipped, like my feet and those shoes belonged together... nice, comfortable, but a little higher than affordable.

Because of financial constraints, I decided to wait until the 3-day sale.
When it arrived, I only have a thousand to spare for a pair of shoes and I planned to buy two pairs.

Because I want to play smart, act like I'm a wise consumer, I did a little hopping and fitting comparing the shoes from one store to another.

I noticed that those shoes sold below 500 pesos do not look good, too ordinary, and in big sizes. 600 pesos to 800 pesos shoes are those which you cannot wear in a daily basis. And those shoes priced at 900 pesos to a thousand are not perfect, good enough, but buying it is like not shopping on a sale day.

For someone like me who only has a thousand to spare, buying a 50 percent off Charles and Keith sold at 999 pesos is already splurging.

I had no choice, I told myself that I can't leave the mall empty-handed. I spent four hours in looking for my feet's "soulmates," I can't just go home and report back to work the following day in slippers or in those old, dirty, dying shoes.

So, I bought it... with a justifiction that I never really bought any pair of shoes for myself that pricey.

President Cory Aquino

She was a woman always in yellow, seen on TV holding the rosary and leading several novenas for friends who are sick and for the country facing difficult challenges whether it be in politics or natural calamities.

She was the wife of the late Senator Binigno "Ninoy" Aquino, a sacrificial lamb for the country's fight against the dictatorship of the late President Ferdinand Marcos.

She became the president of the country after Marcos' regime fell following the EDSA people power. It was in her term that the country gained its freedom and bloomed under a democratic government.

She's often described by people who personally knew her when she was alive as simple, humble, sincere, and has unfaltering love and devotion for God.

Her colleagues in Malacañang before said that during her presidency, there was no corruption that is why some former politicians said that she was the greatest president of the country, the most honest servant of the Filipinos.

Even after her term, Cory continued to serve the country by being active in advocating good governance and women empowerment. Her opinion on prevailing issues of the nation mattered. Her advices were followed.

Cory then was diagnosed with colon cancer and died at the age of 76, leaving her five children and more than 80 million Filipinos who are now thinking: "what's next for us?"

State of the Nation Address

July 27, 2009 at Batasan Pambansa

We were assured of a strong economy despite the global recession. Upgraded ports and airports. Lesser debt. Thousands of job oppurtunities. 1.5% inflation rate, the lowest in history since 1966. Medicines' prices lowered for about 50%. Almost 90 percent of the population now covered with insurance. 95,000 classrooms have been built and 60,000 teachers have been hired.

quotable quotes:

"I did not become President to be popular. To work, to lead, to protect and preserve our country, our people, that is why I became President."

"Some say that after this SONA, it will be all politics. Sorry, but there’s more work…."

"Meanwhile, I will keep a steady hand on the tiller, keeping the ship of state away from the shallows some prefer, and steering it straight on the course I set in 2001…"

"A President must be on the job 24/7, ready for any contingency, any crisis, anywhere, anytime…"

"Governance, however, is not about looking back and getting even. It is about looking forward and giving more—to the people who gave us the greatest, hardest gift of all: the care of a country."

A hit on the head to her critics:

I never expressed the desire to extend myself beyond my term. Many of those who accuse me of it tried to cling like nails to their posts…

I am accused of misgovernance. Many of those who accuse me of it left me the problem of their misgovernance to solve. And we did it…I am falsely accused, without proof, of using my office for personal profit.

Many of those who accuse me of it have lifestyles and spending habits that make them walking proofs of that crime…

We can read their frustrations. They had the chance to serve this good country and they blew it by serving themselves…

Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones. Those who should be in jail should not threaten it, especially if they have been there…

Thanks congress:

She thanked the congress for about five times for the support she got from them in several projects and asked the congress to pass the bill for CARP extension.

POINTS:
There was a constant mention of how the economy is doing under her eight and a half years of turbulent term and it was all the good stuff.

The president forgot to add on her report issues on environment, and especially issues on corruption.

Spokesperson of Cebu City RTC, Judge Gabriel Ingles also noted that the president lacked humility in her SONA. He said that she should have asked the forgiveness of the public for several controversies she and her family was dragged into.

The president only said that she never expressed the desire to extend her term but she was not clear if she really wants it or not. There was also no mention of dropping the constituent assembly, which Congressman Pabling Garcia of Cebu brought up the following day.

It was her ninth SONA but there was only one thing she was confident enough to dissect, and it was the economic aspect of the country, to which the businessmen in Cebu reported in contrast.

Her 70-minute speech received 126 rounds of applause.

signing back in

Gone for a while, but now i'm back with more stories to tell. and i have to write each topic blog by blog. let me see... well, there's SONA, death of president Cory, and some personal bad hair days.